:(

bakit hindi ko maiwan ang nakaraan? bakit hirap akong harapin ang ngayon? bakit natatakot akong makita ang bukas? paano ako mabubuhay kung punong puno ng galit ang puso ko? paano ako magmamahal muli kung sarado at naging bato na ang puso ko? gustuhin ko mang baguhin ang lahat, hindi ko kaya. ngayon pa lang sumusuko na ako. hirap na hirap na ako sa pakikipag laban. sukang suka na ako sa kompetensya. ayoko ng mag isip. suko nako... bahala na...

the end

There is no “they lived happily ever after”. There is just “the end”.

Believing in “they lived happily ever after” is bull crap. We have to be realistic, hello? Life is no Snow White or Cinderella.

I now know that I am not bitter. I am just real.

Damn!

what if

what will you do if you learned that the man that you love most is in love with his best friend who happens to be your brod?

tsk! kaya pala... he has been confused all along...

well, i guess, telenovelas are real… sucks!

lab layp

How would we define love? According to wikipedia Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection.[1] The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

So there’s a lot of definition for love. But why do we love something or someone? Why would some people die for others? Why would we spend a lot of money for something that “we love”?

One of my officemates tried to commit suicide because her boyfriend (should I say ex boyfriend) broke up with her. I may not understand it but I guess she has her reasons for not wanting to let go.

I’m trying to understand what I’m going through right now. I don’t understand why I cannot let of someone who cannot be with me. Ok, I am crazy, that I am very very sure but I can’t really figure out why I still want to be with Mr. Banker. We have been seeing each other these past few months but we definitely do not have commitment. Mr. Banker is my ex boyfriend but since we have the same circle of friends we see each other a lot and we always go out and we spend a lot of time together. Sh*t, I know I am such a bitch and this is what I hate about it. This feeling, the feeling of falling for him again. We are both not committed to other people but we know that it can never be us. I should learn how to control this feeling; I cannot stop seeing him because if I do that, it means not seeing our friends. I love my friends, next to my family of course.

This is what is causing my depression lately. My love life is such a failure. I know its pathetic. I thought I am so over him but I am so wrong.

hum hum

was not able to go to cam sur... ralph is busy and so am i. lucky me i was able to go to the beach though.

was able to unwind...

was able to get drunk...

and was able to get over my depression and watch the sun set knowing that tomorrow will be another day and i know that it will be beautiful...

ang pagbabalik

I’ve abandoned my beloved blog for days. Excuse me, that’s weeks. I’ve been very busy with work and other extra curricular activities. Hee hee.

Anyway, here are some updates from Sexy Moi.

I went home to Baguio to celebrate my birth day. I did not go out with friends. We only had dinner at home. It is also in time for my brother’s despedida. I was not able to have my braces adjusted. I had to go to some government offices to have something fixed.

I had lunch with my dad (biological) because he needs assistance in buying all his medicines. He is still my dad and it is still my responsibility to help him. My brother and I buy him meds and help him on his hospital bills. I feel good that there is no bitterness in our relationship even if he left us when we were still young. I felt bad last time though because I don’t think he remembers my birthday. He did not greet me. At all.

“When your dad was still strong, he worked hard for his second family. He did not support us in anyway. He did not even bother to check you and your brother after the earthquake. Now that he is sick and cannot work, his second family seems to abandon him. They are not helping him financially. That’s not fair for you and your manong.” –-- mama to sexy moi


Our client came here for a site visit and of course we had to impress her. We had to prep our reps and we also prepared for the business review so we can convince her to bring more jobs here and piss off more Americans (because according to them we are stealing their jobs, well, I guess that’s true). I’m not sure though if we did a great job convincing her because we haven’t heard any feedback from her since she left. She went to Cebu afterwards for a long vacation with her hubby. Nampucha petix din pala sila. Isipin mo, she was supposed to be in our site for 3 days pero 2 araw lang siya nandito kasi daw bibisita pa ng Cebu. Haha.

“breakfast buffet in Shangrila is great” --- client to us, this was while we were having our business review.

I went to a not so famous salon and had my hair colored slash dyed. I am not really into hair coloring but my very convincing cousin convinced me to. I nearly killed her after because of what happened to my hair. I wasted money and time. Damn!

“wow bagay na bagay mo ha” --- salon girl to sexy moi
“ate, wag mo na ko bolahin,buti na lang wala ako sa mood mang away ngayon” --- sexy moi to salon girl


It’s almost the 6th month of my reps so I had to do their review. I had to let go of one though. She is still studying and I guess she cannot manage her time very well that is why she is always absent. We had our admin hearing last Tuesday. We will know the results of the deliberation on Friday.

“You’re still young, you better focus on your studies. You can always look for a job after graduation.” --- sexy moi to pasaway agent.


I went to the last day of BarOps to support my friends. Only my Manila based friends were able attend to support our friends who took the exams. After the exams they all drank to death.

“brod, dapat pumasa kan hanko kayat ang bar ops no next year manen” --- friend to one of our friends who took the exam twice

There was a time that I took an escalation from my agent. The customer wanted to talk to some one in the US when he learned that I am from the Philippines. I advised the customer that there are no sites located in the US (which is true – 2 sites lang, here and Canada); therefore he cannot be transferred to the US. Nainsecure ang lolo niyo. Nagalit dahil wala daw siya trabaho. I was able to answer all his questions.

“thank you… and by the way FU*K the Philippines” --- a-hole customer to sexy moi before hanging up.
“go ahead” --- sexy moi to the customer

Huhuhu… gusto ko rin pala mag sumbong. Yung pasaway kong boss ang pangit lagi ng schedule na binibigay sakin. Last time sa isang lingo napunta sakin lahat ng shift – opening, mid shift and closing. I’m not her favorite kasi eh. Tapos yung kasama kong TL din lagi pang absent.

“I guess I’m not one of your favorite things…”--- sexy moi to boss


Good news for me. Ralph is inviting me to Camsur. I hope I can go there at the end of the month. Sana walang bagyo.

manhid

According to wikipedia, Stonefish live primarily above the tropic of Capricorn: It is the most widespread species of the stonefishes family, and is known to be found in the shallow tropical marine waters of the Pacific and Indian oceans, ranging from the Red Sea to the Queensland Great Barrier Reef. The average length of most stonefish is about 30-40 centimeters. The largest Stonefish ever recorded was 51 centimeters long. It has a mottled greenish to mostly brown colour which aids in its ability to camouflage itself among the rocks of many of the tropical reefs. It eats mostly small fish, shrimp and other crustaceans. Its main habitat is on coral reefs, around dull coloured plants, near and about rocks, or can be found dormant in the mud or sand.

From my observation, these fishes have problems of their own and that is why they look so grumpy. Well, I don't want to look like them so i smile all the time. :)

birthday rant

yep... lapit na talaga birthday ko. lapit na ang september 11. opo. yan ang birthday ko. ang makasaysayang 9/11. pero hindi ako mag rarant tungkol sa bombing.

napaisip lang ako. ano bang meron ang age? bakit ayokong ipag sabi kung ilang taon na ako. kahit sa mga hindi ko kakilala nahihiya ako. ang naisip ko lang na reason ay dahil at my age wala pa akong na a-achieve at nahihiya ako dahil yung mga ka age ko feeling ko sobrang nakuha na nila yung gusto nile. ano nga ba ang gusto ko? yan ang diko masagot hangang ngayon. feeling ko natural sa mga tao ang hindi contented sa kung anong meron sila. we will always look for more. mas malaking bahay. mas bagong kotse. mas malaking sweldo. mas mataas na posisyon sa work. mas maraming pera. mas maraming tatak sa passport. kelan kaya tayo makukontento sa kung anong meron.

sabi nila yung mga namamatay ay masaya na sa kung saan man sila naroroon. masaya kaya sila dahil na achieve nila yung gusto nila bago sila namatay or masaya sila dahil hindi na sila mag hahangad pa ng kung anung meron na sila?

home

mejo magiging busy ko... unfortunately di muna ko makakapagrant at makakapamasyal sa blog world. basta i'll also take this time to reflect uli. lapit na birthday ko.