fears of a mistress

i went on emergency leave on thursday. my step dad informed me that they rushed my mother to the hospital because she can not breathe. i immediately asked my boss for a leave, made sure that all things are properly endorsed to my POC. during the 6-hour trip to baguio, trainer had been talking to me, checking me if i'm fine. he had been very supportive and understanding. my cousins and aunts have been updating me with the things that they're doing to my mother.


i arrived at the hospital at around 8pm last thursday. i learned that there was water in her lungs which is why she had difficulty breathing and that the water should be drained. they attached a tube to her lungs, i'm not really sure how they do that, and they had to drain water every two hours. she was always in pain whenever water is being sucked from her lungs. they had to inject morphine and pain reliever and yet she can still feel the pain. it is so depressing seeing her like that because there is nothing i can do to ease the pain. i just came home today to rest. i will go back to the hospital tomorrow.


i would not like to think that this is what i get for being selfish. if i am being punished for what i am doing, i hope it would be me who feel the pain. i hope it would be me who would be in the hospital taking all the meds needed. i just hope that my mother will be better soon. again, i'm really really sorry for being selfish.