ading

nasubukan niyo na ba yung sobrang bored kayo at naisipan niyong igoogle yung name niyo? well, ako lagi kong ginagawa yun. chini check ko lang naman kung may kapareho ako ng pangalan. hahaha. anyway, wala akong nakitang kapangalan ko pero nakita ko yung profile ng half brother ko. ahaha. isipin mo yun. tagal ko na siyang di nakikita. nung huling nakita ko siya, kasama siya ng daddy ko nung nag lunch kami. medyo mataba pa siya nun. nung bata pa kasi yun, mataba na talaga siya. one week akong nag stay sa bahay nila nung grade 4 ako dahil lumayas ako sa bahay. wala namang pang aaping nangyari dahil in fairness inasikaso naman ako noon. bading din yung step brother ko kaya medyo kasundo ko siya.

natuwa lang naman ako dahil i did not expect na makikita ko siya, second year college na pala ang batang yun. honga pala na kuwento din ng daddy ko yun sa kin. parang ang sakit lang sa akin na lumaki siya na kasama daddy ko samantalang ako, 3 years old pa lang ako wala na akong tinatawag na daddy. anyway, ganon talaga ang buhay. deadmatology na lang.


palmer, ading ko, mag aral ka ng mabuti ha. our daddy is so proud of you. lagi niyang kinukwento na ayaw mo nung uniform niyo kasi nahihiya ka. lagi daw malaki bag mo pag labas ng bahay dahil sa school ka na lang mag bibihis. gayahin mo ako, wala akong inulit na subject nung college. at dapat 3 and 1/2 years ko lang kukunin ang course ko pero pasaway yung isang instrcutor, ayaw akong pag bigyan. hehe. at wala din akong na drop na classcard ni isa. i know that byron naman is working really really hard for you. sana lang yung mga family natin di ma subukan yung naranasan natin. nag shashare ng daddy, i know that habang lumalaki ka na rerealize mo din kung anong nangyayari. basta take care of your mother and our daddy. they are both sick so don't give them sakit ng ulo. if you need help nandito lang ako and kris, our manong. we maybe not close but we are still family. i love you brother.

:(

bakit hindi ko maiwan ang nakaraan? bakit hirap akong harapin ang ngayon? bakit natatakot akong makita ang bukas? paano ako mabubuhay kung punong puno ng galit ang puso ko? paano ako magmamahal muli kung sarado at naging bato na ang puso ko? gustuhin ko mang baguhin ang lahat, hindi ko kaya. ngayon pa lang sumusuko na ako. hirap na hirap na ako sa pakikipag laban. sukang suka na ako sa kompetensya. ayoko ng mag isip. suko nako... bahala na...

the end

There is no “they lived happily ever after”. There is just “the end”.

Believing in “they lived happily ever after” is bull crap. We have to be realistic, hello? Life is no Snow White or Cinderella.

I now know that I am not bitter. I am just real.

Damn!

what if

what will you do if you learned that the man that you love most is in love with his best friend who happens to be your brod?

tsk! kaya pala... he has been confused all along...

well, i guess, telenovelas are real… sucks!

discrimination

missed my family and friends. i went home to baguio and spent my rest days with them.

my mom asked me to get something from capitol so i went there in the afternoon of friday. i did'nt know that i would be spending half day of my life going back from dswd's office to the treasurer’s office and to another office that they call cash. i was so pissed off because they keep on asking me to go back from one office to another. an old lady was also doing something there and just like me they asked her to go up and down the building to have someone sign the papers that we need. the old lady is also disabled. the thing is that, capitol is not a disable friendly building. it does not have ramp for people who are on crutches or wheelchairs. it is an old building so i don't expect elevators and escalators in it. i guess they need to do something about it. i tried helping the lady out but the officers who need to sign her papers should see her personally. so she had to go up and down that building. people there are also not so friendly, some, people that my mom knows, were friendly to me but i guess they just have to because they know who my mother is but they were not too friendly to the disabled lady.

when i went home, i told my mom about everything and she even got worried that i might have been bitchy when i was talking to people there. i asked her to raise this issue to the local government, maybe they are not aware. i am paying my taxes so i think i have the right to demand.

****
text messaging

mr banker : dinner?
sexymoi : sorry, i'm busy...
mr banker : cge na lapit na bday ko. my treat.
sexymoi : sensya na busy talaga eh... next time :)
mr banker : k, nxt time :(

hahahaha... i am so so proud of myself. buti nga ...

man's heart

I haven’t read or watched Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner but after reading A Thousand Splendid Suns I have decided to buy a copy of The Kite Runner, which would be my Christmas present to myself.

I am not really a book critic (what ever that means) but I really appreciated this novel. Unlike the other books that I have read, A Thousand Splendid Suns is so different I was totally moved.

I hated Rasheed for beating his wives Mariam and Laila. For paying someone to tell Laila that Tariq is already dead. I felt bad for Mariam for being rejected by Jalil and literally giving her off to Rasheed to save face. I loved Mullah Faizullah for teaching Mariam things that she should learn at school. For being a real father to Mariam. Tariq and Laila’s love story proved that there is indeed true love. Mariam may have felt like she is dumb and useless but at the end, the reader would realize that she made a difference in Laila, Tariq, Aziza and Zalmai’s lives.

I want to write a lot of things about this book but I my thoughts are not organized plus I’m not really good in describing what I want to say. Haha. Here’s a quote that I really liked.

Let me tell you something.A man's heart is a wretched, wretched thing, Miriam.It isn't like a mother's womb.It won't bleed, it won't stretch to make room for you. – Nana to Mariam – A Thousand Splendid Suns

Bitter ko no? haha

lab layp

How would we define love? According to wikipedia Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection.[1] The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

So there’s a lot of definition for love. But why do we love something or someone? Why would some people die for others? Why would we spend a lot of money for something that “we love”?

One of my officemates tried to commit suicide because her boyfriend (should I say ex boyfriend) broke up with her. I may not understand it but I guess she has her reasons for not wanting to let go.

I’m trying to understand what I’m going through right now. I don’t understand why I cannot let of someone who cannot be with me. Ok, I am crazy, that I am very very sure but I can’t really figure out why I still want to be with Mr. Banker. We have been seeing each other these past few months but we definitely do not have commitment. Mr. Banker is my ex boyfriend but since we have the same circle of friends we see each other a lot and we always go out and we spend a lot of time together. Sh*t, I know I am such a bitch and this is what I hate about it. This feeling, the feeling of falling for him again. We are both not committed to other people but we know that it can never be us. I should learn how to control this feeling; I cannot stop seeing him because if I do that, it means not seeing our friends. I love my friends, next to my family of course.

This is what is causing my depression lately. My love life is such a failure. I know its pathetic. I thought I am so over him but I am so wrong.

to all

Hindi ako naka uwi for All Soul’s day. Tumawag lang ako sa mama ko at nasabi ko na di ako makakauwi. She told me to just pray at home and make sure not to lamyerda. Mapamahiin ang mama ko.



Sa lolo ko na matagal din nag kasakit before joining the Lord, amok ada ka heaven ken tultulungam da mama ang auntie tita and us to overcome all the obstacles and challenges that we are facing now.

Sa lola ko na nag alaga sa daddy ko and kuya ko, I love you granny, manang ling ling has two kids already and her husband is such a jerk. Imbag ta han mo suna naabutan dahil makokonsumisyon ka lang.

Kay Eryl, bata ka pa pero am sure na enjoy mo yung life mo dito. Mag kakaroon ng Grill Party on December 30 sa Baguio, sort of re union natin.

Kay Len, friend, kung san ka man sorry hindi man lang kita nadalaw. Alam ko happy ka na rin.

Sis Elvie, alam ko nagkaroon tayo ng issues at nasabi nga ni Arnold na gusto mong magka ayos na tayong lahat. Ayos na sis, wala na masyadong issue pero aminado ako, me gap pa rin kami. Walang ng gulo. Tahimik na.

Brod Boy, na mimiss ka na namin. Wala ng brod na nagbibigay ng advise sa mga bata. Nakasama ko pala si Jobert minsan sa isang jug. Ang kulit niya. Haha. Bagong survive lang siya nung me gimik kami. Lagi kong pinipisil hita niya, haha, Wag ka magagalit sakin brod ha?

Sa iba pang relatives ko ang friends ko. Kung nasaan man kayo am sure happy kayo.

Love ko kayo.