Friday, June 5, 2009

Confessions of a Mistress (II)

wala ako masyadong entry dahil...


busy sa trabaho. i'm working on getting a new position. i'm taking all the training that i can para mas mapadali naman. i am also doing tasks that are not really being done on my level. i like this because i know that it is also one way of preparing me for another position. wala akong problema sa work. happy naman.


i'm spending more time with trainer. i know maraming magagalit sakin dahil dito. hindi ko alam kung anong meron pero mukhang natutuwa na kami sa isa't isa. marami kaming similarities. pareho kami ng type na food, music pareho kaming tahimik lang at mahilig tumunganga at magisip. pareho din kami ng position matulog. di kami pareho makatulog kung may ilaw. nagbeach kaming dalawa lang and we stayed there for 4 days. marami kaming napag usapan. pamilya niya - anak niya and his wife, mama niya at mga kapatid niya. pamilya ko - mama ko at kuya ko at mga previous relationship ko na sablay.


sa totoo lang hanggang ngayon sobrang confused ako sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. sure ako na i like him but i'm not really sure if i love him. he told me that he loves me big time. sinabi ko sa kanya na pigilan niya dahil wala rin mangyayarin samin. he cried because of that statement. he told me that he does not want me to go. nagalit pa siya sakin dahil parang laro lang daw ito for me. lumambot puso ko dahil dun. ayoko talaga siyang mahalin dahil alam kong wala talagang mangyayari sa amin. pero diko alam kung mapipigilan ko to.


marami din akong nadiscover na ayaw ko sa kanya katulad ng sobrang dependent niya sa ibang tao. hindi niya kayang mag isa para gawin ang mga bagay bagay. he can't even make his resume. asawa niya gumawa ng resume niya and mga projects niya when he was still studying.


tinanong ko siya "anong gagawin mo kung wala na yung asawa mo, paano ka mabubuhay niyan?".


tumingin siya sa akin. sabi ko "paano kung wala na rin ako?"


"saan ka naman pupunta?"


hindi na lang ako sumagot.


medyo nagiging demanding din siya. gusto kong hawak ko lagi ang oras ko. nadidis orient ako kapag biglang may naiiba. nahihirapan akong mag adjust. gusto niya lagi ko siyang nakakasama. gusto niya lagi ko siyang ina update sa ginagawa ko. hindi ako sanay sa ganito.
maraming akong ayaw sa kanya, yet i like him. sobrang diko na talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko. madali lang hindi magpakita at tigilan na ito pero may part din sa akin na gustong ipagpatuloy ito.


sorry sa mga nasasaktan ko. sorry sa wife and baby of trainer. matatapos din to. its always my choice. i just hope that what ever my decision is, i won't get hurt...
selfish..

5 comments:

r-yo said...

happiness can be complicated at times, more so if taken at the expense of others. the only consolation you'd get is the conviction that you, at least, deserve it. good luck!

Anonymous said...

We all deserve to be happy. The wife and the kid deserves it as much as you do so why be selfish and think of your own when it's an innocent child's future you will place in jeopardy? We all deserve to be happy and no one has the right to be the cause of someone else's pain.

redneck said...

its tough to be happy n the xpense of others.

emotera said...

i rememebr my experience being a kabit... pero bf at gf pa lng sila kaya medyo ok pa... well mahirap nga sya at nakakatakot din tlga

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